


When There is Nothing (There is You)

by DeathDama



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ben Solo is Dead, Coping, F/M, Fix It Fic, Fluff and Angst, Or Is he?, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Rey isn't a palpatine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-24
Updated: 2020-01-24
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:48:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22385143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeathDama/pseuds/DeathDama
Summary: "There was nothing,Not even the force.But then there was you."In which Rey keeps a diary as she copes with the loss of Ben.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 16
Kudos: 33





	When There is Nothing (There is You)

**Author's Note:**

> I never in a million years thought I'd write canon divergence. But my knives are OUT in 2020 and they are here to STAY. So please enjoy this UNBETA'D angsty AF one shot with a surprise ending that reveals some of my headcanons. ;)

**Would you miss me as I miss you, Ben?**

I spent a lifetime existing.

There was nothing,

not even the force.

Sleeping, eating, breathing.

Everything was transactional.

Like a hurricane, I spun.

I clung to the cogs,

just so I could keep going.

Like a hurricane, I spun,

a lonely journey,

a drying planet,

an empty home.

* * *

**Would you miss me as I miss you, Ben?**

All I knew was a muted life

All I saw was a skeleton planet

There was nothing,

Not even the force

But then there was

Then, there was fire, anger, confusion, rage

Then, there was ruin

It was a dark stare,

a war of wills,

a broken threshold,

a hurricane of thoughts,

and fire, and anger, and confusion

And there was always ruin

I was never the same.

Before that day there was nothing,

Not even the force

But then there was you.

* * *

**Do you miss me as I miss you, Ben?**

The ruin in me was a breed of its own

Until it wasn’t

Until it recognized its reflection

Until it saw the ruin in you

I have spent my life watching as others

Toe the line between anger and madness

I didn’t think to look down

To see that it was always me

I didn’t think to look down

* * *

**Do you miss me as I miss you, Ben?**

It was like coming home

Feeling your ruin

Still

It was like seeing every path I forewent

Still

It was like finding who I ran from becoming

Still

The force is a cruel mistress

She found the other half of me

and took, and took, and took

She whittled away at us both

Me, from her absence and neglect

You, from her jealousy and possessiveness

Until our minds were flush with lies

Until our veins flowed with deceit

Until we truly believed

That there was no one

To teach us how to love

To help us slay our dragons

To set aside their causes for us

* * *

**Do you miss me as I miss you, Ben?**

Like a fool, I got attached to you

Every stolen moment

Remains beneath the whites of my eyes

Every stolen touch

Lingers on my skin

Every battle

Lives in my bones

A chase through the stars

A fight on a wreckage

A wrestle of wills

A give, a take, a push, a pull

An outstretched hand

Desire, belonging, passion, lust

Love

* * *

**Do you miss me as I miss you, Ben?**

Like a fool I have fallen for you

Your lips remain on my skin

Your hands on my body

Your eyes in my soul

You come to me at night

Have I told you before?

You haunt my dreams

You seek and reach

You’re lost

And you need peace

Redemption is a foolish chore

When the ones you save are the ones you hurt

We fought against a foolish liar on Exegol,

and he snatched my soul,

and broke it in two

You set your ill-fated cause aside

And helped me slay my dragon

You reached across generations

And pulled the light into your eyes

There was nothing,

not even the force.

Until there was you.

* * *

**Do you love me as I love you, Ben?**

Nightfall brought you back to me

A year or two had passed,

Between Exegol and this.

You fell to your knees before me.

Your eyes wide and bright,

Disbelief mixed with awe.

And time

_Time becomes subjective_

_When you spend it in agony_

Your eyes swam with awe,

As you knelt before me.

And time

_Time becomes subjective_

_When you spend it in agony_

When you spent it searching,

For the veins that will lead you,

To the belonging you seek

When it leads you to a realm,

And an altar.

To the far reaches of the galaxy.

When it leads you to the answer,

You most desperately seek.

Battles were waged,

Just to keep the truth locked away.

History was warped,

To hide the bastard grandchild,

Of the Son.

To hide me.

The only living descendant,

Of Mortis.

To hide the most powerful Dathomirian witch

The galaxy has ever seen.

Deceit is a foolish chore

When using it against a Nightsister.

The truth is only delayed

When you keep it from the house of Mortis.

* * *

**You missed me as I missed you, Ben**

Like a lighthouse you found me

For your wandering soul, I was a beacon

Like a tether, you pulled

Unrest, unease.

Exegol swallowed your soul

Left it in purgatory

But still,

you reached

You pushed and fought

In the end

Palpatine underestimated

The power of our fate

The strength of the thread

That keeps us tethered

Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,

there is a field.

I met you there.

And now?

Now you lay in my bed,

and you touch my skin

And you whisper in my ear

And we make love

And your eyes burn with passion

At the sight of me

In the same sweater you wore

The night you ripped your life force

And poured it into me.

My bare legs a stark difference

Of the black sweater

That your fingers love tracing

And now?

Now we will build empires

We will move planets

We will raise warriors

Now we will live

Together

And in the end

when there is nothing,

not even the force.

There will be you.

**Author's Note:**

> I researched minimally for this, I am not as versed in canon and I am not ashamed of it. This was stuck in my head and I just needed to get it out.
> 
> Find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/deathdama)!


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